There is so much truth wrapped up in this little essay. I know I’ve had these ridiculous thoughts before when a guy doesn’t text back. What can I say? I’m human.
Girls are crazy, but it’s your fault. We’re usually level-headed attractive human people with beautiful faces and beautiful bodies. But if we like you and things are going great — maybe you held our hand in public or bought us a cheeseburger — and we send you a text message that you do not respond to promptly or at all, we turn into psychopaths. On a scale of the Unabomber to Charles Manson, we’re Amanda Bynes. We’re like hyenas having a love seizure. We go home and we cry and sit in the candlelit bathtub for hours wondering what is wrong with us. Then we listen to Fiona Apple in the fetal position. Nobody loves me! Am I better off dead or alone? Yes, it’s dramatic. But in our defense, man-children usually time their ignorance with our time of the month. And there’s nothing either of us can do about…
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